Realizations

Today, I arrived back in quaint little Provo, which I was surprisingly quite excited to get back to after my lovely Thanksgiving (yeah, really, who get's excited about Provo. Apparently me). After unpacking my things, laying around on my bed for awhile, I got up and decided to curl my hair. Then I went to ward prayer with Cortney and Hilary. After getting there, we sat in a dark corner away from most of the rest of the ward. Mainly because that's the only place there were chairs. Cortney and Hilary claimed to not be minglers. I tried to claim that as well, but no one seemed to believe me (apparently I have this silly reputation among some people as being somewhat a "flirt" or "socializer". Not true.) Anyways, as we sat there, I saw a friend of ours, and I waved to him. Cort quickly informed me that he was talking to some "lady friends" (what am I? chopped liver? apparently), implying that he ought not be disturbed. At that moment, I realized a terrible truth.

I am so in the friend zone with everyone (everyone, as in, boys). I shared this thought with Cortney, and she agreed that she, too, was also like that.

Boys hang out with us. They talk to us. They confide in us.

Because we're in the friend zone. They don't have to worry about appearing too "emotional" or anything. Because you don't need to impress your friends. Just girls that you want to date.

And once they are done discussing their women problems, they move on. Well. To the women that we helped solve their problems about.

Not that I don't enjoy being "just friends" with guys. In fact, I love it. Guys are awesome. And quite honestly, I don't want a boyfriend at this point in time (surprise right? It's come to my attention that I may appear desperate at times with this blog. Let's get this straight. I. Am. Not. I just enjoy blowing things out of proportion, i.e. the fifth floor of the library. I mean really, boys have cooties). I enjoy flirting with lots of boys. I enjoy dating (well, I assume I would, assuming boys asked me on dates....again with the friend zone). But, really, I'm done with this whole friend, "I'm going to confide everything to you and ask you for advice about girls thing but then beyond that not care about impressing you because hey, I don't want to date you now that you know where I'm vulnerable", dealio.

Don't get me wrong. One of my favorite things in the world is for people to tell me about their problems. It makes me super happy. I really like knowing things. In fact, I quite enjoy when guys tell me about what's going on in their head. It's fascinating, really. But, I feel that often it gets to the point where, it goes from playful, fun, friendship, to... only advice sessions. And as I've seen in tv, guys don't tell the girls they are interested in about their problems. They tell the safe friend. The one person they know they probably won't end up falling for. And once you get into a friend zone with someone, it's so hard to get out. Blahhhh. (though..in the shows, they usually do end up falling in love with that person. Hmm...)

So none of this probably made sense, but basically, safe friend zone is not my favorite place to be. Sometimes it's fun to have a guy not just ask you for advice. hehe. I think a happy medium is nice. I love giving advice. just not. all the time. You know?

(and yes, once again I am over-exaggerating. Not ALL of my guy friends are like that. I have some pretty epic cool friends that are just fun to talk to because they just act the same around everyone. Shout out to ya Bro's!)

Realization numero dos.

I suck at hugs. I've honestly never been a very huggy person. There are certain times where I just want to hug everyone (but even then, I still don't), but for the most part, I'm more of a, high five kind of peson. All around me, I always see people that hug right when they see each other. It seems so easy, and painless. But I feel like whenever I encounter a situation where a hug would be appropriate, I just kind of feel awkward. I was discussing this with my dear roommate Hilary. She put it nicely when she was like (and no, this isn't an exact quote), "I've never been the 50/50 type person when it comes to hugging. The person has to completely initiate it, and make it obvious that they want a hug." (feel free to correct that, Hil). Um, yeah. I realized I'm the same way. I HATE not knowing if someone wants a hug, or if they are just standing in an awkward position that looks like they might want a hug or that they are just an awkward person (I admit, I probably do this. A lot).

Now, this probably makes me sound like anti-touch. Truly, I'm not. I actually do enjoy embracing another person in a friendly hug. I just don't initiate it. I feel weird doing so. It's complicated. And I just suck at hugs. So, if any of you reading this actually associate with on a regular basis, if you want to give me a hug. Just give me one. Surprise attack. Don't give me one of those awkward "I'm gonna go 50%, you gotta do the rest" deals. Go 75%. I'm willing to do that last 25%.

And I'm sorry for anyone that I have awkwardly hugged. I swear, I can give good hugs when I'm not stressing out about it. Summary? Surprise hugs = awesome. Awkward, mysterious hugs = not awesome.

Hope you all had an awesome Thanksgiving. I sure did. And I sure am ready to end this semester. Right now.