Thursday, October 8, 2009

Dear Diary

I'll admit, I've been a terrible journal writer. I think I have one journal that was kept during my whole middle/high school years. Now that I think about it I think it's kind of weird, because I love to write (hence this blog!). I've always felt like I needed to write more, as maybe I'd like to have a record of my life from my point of view someday...but I never got up enough determination to write in one regularly. Just the thought of writing down everything about my life made me cringe.

Well, last February, for some unknown reason to me at the time, I really felt strongly that I needed to start a new journal. I had attempted to start one a few times earlier in the year, but it never stuck. This time though, it seemed different. So I trekked to the BYU bookstore, and picked out a really pretty one that had a picture of Christ with a child. I love it. Starting that day, I wrote in it. Almost every day. (Okay, there have been a few times where I went a week or two without writing, but for the most part I've been consistent). And can I just say, what a huge blessing that has been. I find it no coincidence that I felt I should start a journal on the same day I met Jeremy (the ex-boyfriend). I can honestly say that the months of February-September were probably the biggest emotional roller coaster of my life. There were a lot of times that I just did not feel like anyone I talked to really understood what I was feeling, and that's where my journal became my confidant. There is a quote in an article from the August 1975 New Era that describes exactly what my journal was (and still is) for me
"A journal is a place to understand yourself, a place to exhaust frustrations, a place to find out who you are, a place where you can rid yourself of crippling emotions." (Dear Journal, Jeanine Tibbitts).
As corny as this sounds, I don't know how I would have made it through those months without my journal to write down everything I was feeling. And looking back on it, I think Heavenly Father knew that I would need it. I have read back through this journal, and I can see where I've grown, crucial things that I wish I had done differently, and just all the emotion I was feeling at the time. Honestly, I probably never would want anyone to read it. Ha Ha. I might as well entitle it "My relationship with Jeremy: The Beginning, The Middle, and the End." lol. (Though I'll admit, there are some other things in there besides things that had to do with him haha). And just as I started that journal when I met Jeremy, I ran out of pages very soon after we broke up. Coincidence? I think not. At the end of it I wrote, "I'm hoping that the end of this journal will kind of signify a new stage of my life, and a new start." And I feel it has. After I put that journal on my shelf, I really began to heal and move on from the heartbreak I had been feeling. Since then, I bought another journal. This time, it has a picture of Christ, with Mary magdelene. Once again, I love it. I'm pretty dang proud of myself, as I haven't missed a day of writing since I bought it. My life isn't very exciting, so it mainly just has senseless babylings about a cute boy in my ward, or how I'm not a big fan of school...But hey, when I started my last journal it started that way too....Though I'm hoping this one won't be like the last. hehe.

Anyways, kind of random, and likely no one cares, but I just wanted to say that if you don't have a journal, start one. I am grateful that I started writing in one, because I do often times go back and read it. It's awesome :) I do wish I had more than one from high school though :P

I really like this quote, from the some article I talked about above:

"The desire to keep a journal comes to God’s people as a blessing. It comes to all those who fear the Lord and call upon his name, who speak often one to another and acknowledge God in their lives. These journals, then, when written before the Lord, serve to strengthen lives and family units and become special missionary tools."

AND I recommend watching this Mormon Message entitled "O Remember, Remember". It has parts of a talk that President Eyring gave. He talks about how he writes every day about somewhere the Lord has blessed his life (or something like that). I've tried to follow that same pattern...I'll admit, I forget most of the time, But I think it's an awesome idea!

--Random Side Note: Today I found a pair of pants in my closet that I haven't worn in awhile because last time I tried them on, they were too tight. Imagine my delight as I put them on, and they were LOOSE! Yay!


Mauri said...

ok I totally needed to hear this right now. Thanks for posting it. I really have started to feel/see the importance of keeping a journal & writing down feelings. I need to make a private blog just for me. For some reason it's easier for me to do it on the computer than to sit & write in a book. The thoughts & feelings we have at any given moment or at the time of an event or happening are irreplaceable & you'd never really turely be able to go back to those unless you write them down. I need to start. Thanks for the push!

And yay for putting on old pants & them being loose...seriously I LOVE when that happens! :) Happy almost weekend!

Que and Brittany are adopting a baby boy! said...

Hi Katie! Thanks for coming to my blog- I don't mind that you read it at all! You can come back whenever you like. :) (We hope to have the baby here in the next week or so, so check back!)

PS: I saw your profile and I love The Search for Wallace Whipple too. :)


Kevin said...

I agree completely! Journals are the best, especially for those of us who love writing! Believe it or not but I haven't done it very well lately and I probably needed to hear it too. Last night I wrote in my journal about needing to write in it more. Coincidence? I think not. Also, I do agree that sometimes your journal is the only one that really understands you and that it helps you find out who you are and where you going in life. But I wish I would have been more attentive and helped you out instead of sending you sarcastic/joking messages on facebook all the time. By the way, I'm going to miss you when I leave on my mission and we need to hang out on Tuesday night or Wednesday morning next week!

Anonymous said...

i love it when i find pants like that! yay! i have to get better at writing in a journal. it's so cool you started up again.

Mother of the Bride said...

You are a very good writer. I really enjoyed reading this post, Katie. You're a wonderful daughter. Love you lots, Mom